i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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