kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
