Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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