i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
