whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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