if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
