he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
