he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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