Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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