We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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