You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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