I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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