I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
