anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize