So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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