roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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