Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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