Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
