you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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