If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
