I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
