What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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