so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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