She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
