dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
