im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
