I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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