This girl is more easily done than said...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
God, I missed his penis.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
