You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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