I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
