So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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