my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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