I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
