Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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