so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
