Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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