we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
