i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
