dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
