If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
