The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
