Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
