somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
