we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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