a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
