ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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