obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
