is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
