Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
