im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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