I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
50% drunk capacity currently
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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