Porn is love you can see.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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