the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
