At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
