like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she pinky promised me she was 18
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
