I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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