He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
