I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
