She is in my trunk
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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