NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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