Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
A bitchslap is in order.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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