Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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